Trapped in the Digital Age...

“Very good work kids, you may now have a text break.” –New Girl on Fox

Yes, my friends.  This is what the world has come to.  What happened to the days of “talk amongst yourselves”?  These days it’s easier to text your best friend sitting one row behind, two seats to the left, than to hold an intellectual, human, non-technological conversation.  We now have entire worlds created in Virtual Reality where the whole purpose is not to talk to other humans. 

I saw an article that said people born before 1990 were going to be the last generation to remember using such things as rotary phones or even phones with a cord, rabbit ear antennae,  cassette tapes, records, dial-up internet, pay phones and the list goes on. 

I hated adjusting those rabbit ear antennae when I was younger.  Cable did not enter our household until I left for college therefore countless hours were spent trying to clear the picture.  And as it went, when you got the screen perfect and walked away, there went the picture!  Very frustrating!

Change like this happens in every generation.  My parent’s Peter Frampton records were replaced by my Ace of Base cassette tapes.  An 8 Track is something I’ve only heard about.  When my grandmother was courting, or stalking, my grandfather she would first have to get word from a friend in town as to his whereabouts.  Then hitch a ride on a wagon in the hopes that he was still around when she got there.  That is dedication my friends and it is apparently effective.  Today, all you have to do is ‘Check In’ and the whole world knows where you are. 

Back in my day, approximately ten years ago, DSL was just beginning and comparatively speaking it moved at a snail’s pace.  I actually remember the day I discovered an amazing new search engine called ‘Google.’  I told everyone I knew that it was far superior to the ones we were using, like AOL or Yahoo.  For those of you readers not around, Google in 2002 was far different from the Google of 2012, practically from the Mesozoic era

As far as cell phones are concerned, you would have considered yourself very lucky to have one if you were in High School.  My parents were definitely not on the ‘teenagers should have cell phones’ bandwagon.  They weren’t on the ‘Car’ wagon either come to think of it.  Oh the agony!  I had to take the bus!

This Christmas, while taking pictures on the iPhones of my High School aged cousins, it occurred to me that maybe these generations are the ones missing out.  Technology makes everything so easy that there is little need to think outside the box.

For example, the art of note passing.  There were many different ways to pass notes but here are my personal favorites.  In 8^th grade French class my friend Brittany and I went through practically an entire notebook a week with the teacher only catching us one time.  Even then, because we were good students, she only gave us a dirty look and kept walking.  The key there was good timing and quick hands. 

In High School, I had my note passing ‘Pièce de resistance.’  Every day in third period French II, I would write a note to my friend Bethany and stuff it down a crevice in the desk behind me.  Then in her sixth period French III class, she would write her response and place it back in the crevice for me to pick up the following day.  It was quite the successful fete if I do say so myself.

However, this might explain why I did so poorly grasping the French language.

A few years ago, I recall hearing a story about how Kiera Knightly threw her Blackberry into the ocean while filming Pirates of the Caribbean because she was ‘too available.’  Don’t think I haven’t thought of it myself.  The second I got my first Blackberry, I was hooked.  I got email, calls, text messages and more in one tiny device!  It was almost like the phone was calling my name saying, “Check me, Check me.”  Nine times out of then there was nothing there but then that one time you see that tiny little icon telling you that you have received a message.  Someone wants to talk to YOU!  How amazing!  “You have received 20% off coupon to Express.”  Darn, but maybe I’ll go shopping.

Sometimes, if my phone dies, I pretend I didn’t notice.  Although I am not sure why, it gives me some small sense of satisfaction.  I AM ALL POWERFULL and you will not control me!  Sadly, it lasts only a short while because I realize it is my lifeline to the outside world and so I plug it in the charger. 

Personally, I am a big fan of technology detox from time to time.  In my opinion, it is quite necessary.  Think of all the fun things you could do.  You could learn how to read a map!  You could talk to your family and friends face to face!  You could see sights and sounds that have been untouched my cell phone towers!  Or you could just let your phone die for a while and relax.  The beauty is that when people ask why you didn’t immediately return their call, text or email, you can respond, “Sorry, no signal.”  And that is not a lie!

It’s all time for us all to power down for a little bit and get back to basics.  Add some spontaneity and creativity back into your life.

Until Next Time,

~ E

Kissing Toads...

Have you ever kissed a toad?  Of course you have!  Everyone kisses toads in their lives. 

Hasn’t your mother ever said to you, “You’ve got to kiss a lot of toads before you get a Prince”?  Whether she used frogs or toads in her analogy is beside the point, both are applicable.  If by some stroke of luck your mother has never had to utter these words, consider yourself the luckiest person in the world.

Due to my recent dating adventures, my mother has once again passed the afore mentioned wisdom on to me.  I have determined the following: I hate when she says that!

Nobody wants to kiss a frog or a toad!  It’s gross.  I blame Disney.

For your amusement, I will now re-enact a toad encounter.

The setting is a nice, semi casual restaurant, complete with dim lighting and a secluded booth.  The choice is perfect for a dinner date because it’s not too fancy, where you are overdressed with a pair of jeans and a nice top, yet a step up from Arby’s you know he's OK.  It’s about thirty minutes into the mindless first date chatter that you realize this date isn’t going anywhere.

Your mind starts to wander a little. “I can’t believe I’m missing Real Housewives for this.  No, that’s bad.  This is good for me. Yes! Positive! Stay Positive!  I did set the DVR, didn’t I? Where is my brain sometimes?? Let’s see.  I curled my hair, then brushed my teeth, then looked at the dirty kitchen, then walked away from the dirty kitchen, then…grabbed the remote and set the DVR.  Awesome it’s done. Phew”

The time goes on and you give it an honest try by throwing some humorous remarks in there and trying to engage in the occasional witty banter.

As you finish the meal and engage in the “I liked the potatoes but the chicken was a little dry” conversation, you realize [CRAP] this date went a lot better for him than it did for me.  This is when you panic and prepare for the slightly awkward, I’ll walk you to your car, should we hold hands through our gloves action because you know the end of the night kiss is coming. 

Lips collide.  Maybe there were sparks, most likely there were not.  One or both of you lie, saying how great a time you had, you go back to your car and the date is over.  In the end it was all relatively painless but you find yourself in desperate need of some comfort.  This is when go home, grab some wine and see what excitement the DVR has in store. 

Maybe later you will call your mom, ramble on about how you are going to end up an old spinster who talks to her cats while knitting them scarves in her rocking chair and crying because she doesn't even like cats to begin with.  Her response to this highly theatrical musing will be, “Everything is OK.  You have to kiss a lot of frogs (toads) before you meet your Prince.”

And if your Mom is anything like my Mom, she will further comfort you by repeating this very familiar saying , “Juilliard called.  They are still holding a spot for you.”  From the other end of the phone, hysterical laughter commences.

End Scene.

For the record, I would like to say something on behalf of the toads.  In this circus act we call dating, women meet every kind of toad.  Toads come in all shapes and sizes.  There are pretty toads, average toads, big toads, small toads, loud toads, quiet toads and more.  There are also bat sh** crazy toads that are drawn to you for some reason or another and are in serious need of attention from mental health professionals.  I digress.

There is nothing wrong with these toads; they just aren’t the right toads for you.  Although I have never been a man, or ever claimed to know what they’re thinking, on some level the same must also be true.  Not every girl is a beautiful Princess.  Sometimes they go out with ugly/evil stepsisters and I am sure it is very frustrating as well. 

Frustrations when dealing with toads are inevitable.  That is what your mother, or friends are there for.  To tell you that someday one of those toads will turn into a Prince.  Until then, think of toad encounters as humorous collections of stories you can share for years to come.

Or perhaps until they get written into a book…things to think about.

Until next time,

~E                                                                                                                     

Forward Movement...

Resolutions, Champagne, Dick Clark and a kiss at midnight.  Those are the three things New Years Eve is known for...other than a hangover.  A unique and, I dare say, lovable quality about New Years is that it presents us with an opportunity to start fresh.  We have proverbially wiped the slate clean and are able to face the year with an entirely different type of courage. 

Deep down, underneath the layers of sequins and alcohol, we know that the mundane day to day never really changes and for a few hours we believe that the drudgery is over.  All the challenges of last year have magically dissipated and the bright, shiny, spanking new year has arrived!! Woo hoo! 

Excitement and hope surround the beginning of a new year and it is intoxicating!  If you don’t believe me then go to a gym and see how the masses have flocked to it in the hopes that this year will be different.  This year they will have the body of a Victoria Secret Model!  Statistically, there is a very small chance that this is going to happen but I applaud people for trying.

Soon, however, March storms in and our bright shiny year begins to tarnish.  Our motivation begins to wane and, to our chagrin, we realize that this year is shaping up to be no different than the past.  Defeated, most of us throw in the towel and say, “next year I will do it!”

While anticipating the year to come, I began to wonder, “What if it was New Year’s Eve all year?”  One thing I have learned in the past year is that the only person that can change my life is me.  It is a simple concept in theory but a little more difficult in execution.

Around September of last year I started getting bored with life in general.  All my normal happenings became only mildly entertaining and after wallowing in a state of perpetual mediocrity for two months, I decided that I was going to shake things up.  Since my job wasn’t changing, I would have to move.  Although I loved my apartment,  I unknowingly created a cozy little comfort zone, or cocoon, and leaving often seemed like too much of a hassle.  I had decorated myself into a rut.     

First, I made a list of everything I wanted in a new living space; location, price, and roommate.  Being a person who likes to have things settled, it was hard to turn down perspective roommates or properties but I was sticking to my guns.  I held out for the right one and am delighted to report that I found it.  In fact, I think it picked me!  The right location, for less than I wanted to pay and an awesome/responsible roommate. 

Since this leap worked out so well, I figured I would keep momentum going in the New Year.  There are new friends to meet, experiences to be had, trips to take, and more steps in the right direction. 

Leaving your comfort zone is never easy but it’s how you move forward.  Make a list of all the things you want to do this year and just do them.  Keep it close so you are constantly reminded that this year, you have the ability to change your life.

My first task: learn to sing from a professional.   This 80’s cover band that has concerts in my head is in need of a front woman and my shampoo bottle is sick of listening to off key rehearsals!

Use the momentum of the New Year and take a few steps forward.  And in July, if the mundane finds you, take a few steps in a different direction.

Happy New Year

~E