Europe. Here I Come...

Today I leave for Europe and I can hardly wait!  Travel is something that I love to do but havent done much of the past few years.  I guess that's what happens when you have real job and responsibilities.  How I long for those college days when you could skip some classes and run away for awhile!

How many of you have been outside the country? or even farther outside your state?  I will credit my parents with giving me a sense of adventure and love of traveling to new places.  When I was eight our first family vacation was to South Dakota to see Mt. Rushmore and the Badlands.  We stayed in a tiny motel and shared the 4x4 foot pool with a bunch of bikers.  Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, we chose to visit South Dakota during the Sturgis Bike Rally!  Our family mini-van was surrounded by bikers the entire way.  It definitely made the the trip memorable.     

Regardless of weather you take fancy vacations or you are forced to stay in the Red Carpet Inn, where there is nothing red carpet about it!, you are bound to have a few adventures.  At the very least you got to leave home for awhile and experience new and exciting things.  People are always telling me how they want to travel more yet they spend money on other things.  My car has a cracked bumper and has started to rust.  But it is not a menace to the road so I would rather go to Europe:)

Today, at 6:30pm, I am embarking on a week long adventure of who knows what.  Whenever I travel I always keep a journal and this time I will share my adventures with you.

TO BE CONTINUED...

The List...

How many of you out there are list makers?  I’m not just talking about honey-do lists or grocery lists; I’m talking about Life lists.  People make lists for all sorts of reasons.  The Bucket list, for example, is a list of things you want to do before you die.  A Love list is a list of traits you want in the ideal mate; tall, handsome, not a moron etc.

The thing about lists is that they are easy to make but hard to get through.  How many times in your life have you been able to cross every single item off of your list?

Last year I wanted to have an amazing summer, so I made a list of things I thought would be fun to do.  I called it my “Summer List,” because I am incredibly original.  I started off the summer with much anticipation and motivation.  This was going to happen and it was going to be awesome!!  However, life threw me some curve balls and I found myself in mid-July without one single item crossed off my list.  Rather demoralized, I halfheartedly completed a few tasks and deemed it a moderately successful summer.    

This past weekend, my friend Lauren and I celebrated our birthdays by going dancing and going to Kings Dominion to ride roller coasters.  About half way there I realized that going to Kings Dominion was something on my “Summer List” that never crossed off.  “Pretty cool,” I thought, “I’m going to cross something off my list.”  Sure the list was for intended for the previous summer but hey, I still did it!

That got me thinking.  In essence my “Summer List” was a few fun things that I always wanted to try or do.  The only reason that I stopped trying was because of some ridiculous time constraint I gave myself.

When we have a list of things to do and restraints on when or how to do them, the integrity of the list gets lost.  People let themselves be held back by age, time, or expectations.  Too many lists just sit around and collect dust because people have forgotten or given up on them.  If you hit 30 and haven’t traveled out of the country or landed our dream job or dream mate, you tend to crumple up and throw away your list.  But in reality who cares if you cross off things before 30 or after 30 or after 50?  The point is that you CROSSED THEM OFF!

If there is something you’ve always wanted to do, or multiple things you’ve always wanted to do, then get up and do them.  Time isn’t waiting for you and it will most certainly pass you by.  Lists are simply a compilation of things you want to have, see or do!  Cross a few things off your list and you’ll be amazed at how spectacular it feels!!

~E

The Summer List: In Review!

(Black-Not Accomplished, Blue-Accomplished, Green-Work in Progress)

1.       Get a Tan-Last summer, this was most certainly not accomplished.  So far this year I have purchased a few tanning sessions in order to stave off the inevitable burn.  We will wait and see.  I’ll let you know come September.

2.       Go Paintballing-What kind of mood was I in when I wrote this list? Now only moderately appealing.

3.       Make it to Kings Dominion-It took me a year but I did it!  We walked onto every ride with no lines and did some twice.  Twenty four hours later I am still a little dizzy and motion sick but it was worth it!!

4.       Learn to Play the Guitar-I learned one really easy song but then I got lazy and quit.  Perhaps I should pony up for some professional lessons. 

5.       Run a 10k-On the Agenda

6.       Race in a Sprint Triathlon-Have a training plan and I am definitely, almost positively, for sure, maybe going to do it.

7.       Go Boating-I have a standing invitation for a day of boating fun.   My only hesitation is the Redneck Factor.  I am the flame and they are the Moths and it would be like bringing a flame to a Moth convention.  Also, with this crew, I don’t know if my liver could handle it.

8.       Have a Bonfire and Make S'mores-That was pretty tasty.  I think #8 needs to be redone a.s.a.p.

9.       Take Surfing Lessons- No idea how that one is supposed to happen but I’ll keep brainstorming.

10.   Go Sky Diving- If I can save enough money and can find people willing to go then it’s on like Donkey Kong.

11.   Go Bungee Jumping and/or Slingshot-That was ridiculously fun.  I swear I saw to Chicago!

12.   Go to a Nats Game-So close yet so far!  I’m going to a Brewers game.  Does that count?

13.   Go Horseback Riding- I know some people with horses so this could be a possibility…

14.   Learn How to Shoot a Gun-  The motivation is a little low on that one.  Guns are scary yet I feel I should learn about them…

15.   Ride on a Motorcycle- There is one reason why this wasn’t accomplished.  Thought of Me+ Speed+ Pavement+ Pain= Not happening yetJ

16.   Stay up all Night and Watch the Sunrise on the Beach-Whitney, if you are reading this, I think Spain is the perfect place for this one because I will be 5 hours behind and the chances of me staying up that late are about 1000x better!!!

The Waiting Game...

(The Jeopardy Song)

Do do do do /do do do

Do do do do/do/do do do do do

When this song gets played, every JEOPARDY contestant knows that Alex Trebek is waiting for their answer.  Waiting for answers… (heavy sigh).  I don’t know about you but sometimes I get tired of playing the waiting game!  We wait in traffic, we wait in lines, we wait our turn.  We wait for things, we wait for people, we wait for service, we wait for answers, we wait for change.  Seriously, how many hours of our lives do we spend waiting?

Patience has never been my strong suit.  Some things are better than others.  For instance I have become a very patient driver and line dweller, unless of course I’m in a hurry.  I detest being late for anything. 

Some thing I have a hard time waiting for is food.  When I’m hungry, I have to eat.  It’s  like a bear in the woods.  There are certain times during the day when I need to be eating and if I am not, it is quite an unpleasant situation.  Knowing this about myself, however, I am usually prepared with some sort of small snack to hold me over until a meal can be arranged.

Moving onto bigger things, when it comes to waiting out life’s unknown answers, I do a pretty decent job.  I know deep down that it just takes a little patience and a lot of faith.  But no one on this planet is an ace at the waiting game.

While celebrating my impending birthday,  the waiting game became a topic of discussion between my friend Wendy and myself.  Birthdays are always a time of reflection.  However when that period of reflection gets mixed with Vodka, thenconversation, shall we say, gets a little more animated.  You see, when I mix Vodka with mild irritation, my patience for waiting in general disappears.  Nothing and no one is safe.  Anyone who has been privy to an amusing yet over-the-top rant on the bouquet toss or been on the receiving end of a disgruntled New Year’s Eve text and/or phone call, can tell you this is true. 

Vodka and obscure rants aside, whether it is in line or in life, everyone gets tired of waiting.  Life is full of puzzles and paradigms, and there will always be questions that need answering.  Why did this happen? Where is my life going?  When will I get a job?  When will I meet that special someone?  When will I have children?  When will I catch a break? When is this waiting game going to end and when will I get some answers?

Hang in there!  No one ever really knows where life is going to take them.  You will always go through periods of faith and periods of doubt, and you may not always love the answers or see the logic, but life has a way of working out exactly like it's supposed to. 

Think of life as a long grocery store line.  At first its OK.  You’ve accepted that it may take a while and you’re willing to wait it out.  As the minutes tick away, and you are stuck behind a woman that is apparently stocking up for nuclear disaster, you start to get a little edgy and irritated.  But, just when you think you can’t take it anymore, the cashier says to the woman in front of you, “Would you like the receipt with you or in the bag?" YES! Freedom is upon us!! (heavy sigh) 

Throughout life you will surely find yourself in the middle numerous grocery store lines.  When you do, remember to take a deep breath, grab a vodka/tonic and the ear of a good friend, and know that someday soon the wait will be over!

~E

Facing Fears...

This week I want to further explore an idea that was brought up in last week's blog.  That is the the role that fear plays in our lives.  Fear is a very strong and powerful entity.  It is one that, if you let it, can control your life.  I remember watching an old episode of Oprah where this woman refused to go out of the house because she was afraid of frogs.  On one hand I found this woman completely crazy and in need of serious mental help.  On the other, I understood her fear because I too have an unnatural fear of both Raccoons and Ostriches.  The main difference between this woman and myself, however, is that she has let this fear of frogs run her life.  Her fear has prevented her from living a full and happy life outside her home.      

Take a second to think about all the things you are afraid of.  Some common fears most of us have are heights, spiders, snakes, and confined spaces.  Personally I have a fear of heights.  Being the somewhat clumsy person that I am, I don’t do well with heights and the possibility of impending doom.  On such things as ladders, roofs, castles or the Empire State Building, one little trip or loss of balance could send me plummeting to my sidewalk death.  Falling on my face is something I struggle with at sea level, why on earth would I enjoy tempting fate 400 feet in the air.  Although I participate in most historical or sightseeing adventures, I spend the entire time wishing I were on the ground.

Interestingly enough, when I’m strapped in, like on an amusement park ride or while rock climbing, my fear of heights isn’t an issue.  Knowing that there is someone or something always there to catch me makes the experience much more enjoyable.

But fears, as we know, go much deeper than ladders or frogs.  Fear of Success; Fear of Failure; Fear of Marriage; Fear of Divorce; Fear of being hurt; Fear of being happy; Fear of disapproval; Fear of having everything you’ve ever wanted.  There are so many things that people fear, both consciously and unconsciously, that there is no possible way I could list them all. 

It’s a pretty backwards notion to be afraid to be happy but it is a common problem.  Sometimes in order to be truly happy you have to put yourself out there.  People spend their lives building thick concrete walls around themselves that help protect them from pain, hurt, sadness, judgment and even love.   

Being a rather sensitive child and young adult, I started building my walls at a young age.  Every time I got hurt or scared, I would reinforce those walls until I was sure that they would hold.  I always had a strong fear of being a seen as a failure in school, in sports, in relationships and disappointing those I cared about.  As most people do, I also had a fear of being hurt or vulnerable and to some degree a fear of having it all and being happy.  What if you have it all and it all gets taken away?

Last summer I decided that I was done with fear.  My life coach and I had been working together for a few months at that point and when I went home I decided that I was going to do some of the things that I never thought I could do or things that I was afraid to do.  With my friend Michelle cheering me on, I strapped myself to a bungee seat at the Wisconsin State Fair and screamed my little head off as they shot me in the air and flung be around a bit.  At one point I could see all the way to Illinois!

Tackling the one ride that I was too scared to try gave me the confidence to start face my fears.  Over the past few months I have slowly been chipping away at that wall and it feels pretty amazing.  My wall is by no means gone, and sometimes I have to stop myself from trying to rebuild it.  But it’s about progress and moving forward. 

I have risen to many challenges within myself this year and I have faced many fears.  Not all of them were easy and I didn’t always love the outcome but at the end of the day I know that I can live my life without ever saying ‘What If?”  When you get to be 80 years old, do you really want to say to yourself, “What would my life have been like if I had had the courage to     (Blank)    ?”

On my list of challenges left to face are; sky diving, singing in front of people (going to need some singing lessons before that one),  ride a motorcycle without having a panic attack, go to a firing range and completing my first 10k and Triathlon. 

Whether you’re scared of something tangible, like snakes or raccoons, or you’re afraid to tell someone how you feel, afraid to speak up, afraid to be who you are, afraid to take a leap of faith,  afraid no one will like what you write, just remember that everyone is afraid of something.  And never let fear hold you back from happiness.

~E

PS I want to hear all about your FearFacing experiences

The Wedding Date

Have you ever seen The Wedding Date, with Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney?  It’s your typical mediocre romantic comedy.  The plot goes as follows:  To make her 'Ex' jealous, the girl pays a male escort to be her wedding date and accidentally falls in love with him.  Soon the 'Ex' causes problems and a dramatic fight threatens to end the affair.  Luckily, in the end the girl and her male hooker live happily ever after and he leaves ‘the business’ behind.   It sounds pretty bad doesn’t it? 

For all its cringe worthy dialogue and unlikeable characters, one scene is the reason I watch this movie over and over.  Near the end of the movie, Debra Messing’s character is moping around her sister's wedding when her father provides her with the following words of wisdom, “I read somewhere that every woman has the exact love life that she wants.  If that’s true, I refuse to believe you want this!”

A few years ago, I read The Secret and always remembered a story about a lonely artist who wanted to date as many women as possible.  He was advised to paint a picture of what he wanted, so he painted several women and hung them around the house.  Before long he was going on two or three dates a day!  It’s a wonder how he kept all those names straight!!  After a few months of dating multiple women at a time the man decided he had had enough and wanted to fall madly in love with one woman and settle down.  This time he painted a picture of just one woman and hung it over the fire place.  Within a few weeks the artist met and married the woman of his dreams. 

These two scenarios got me thinking… can we create and/or do we have the exact lives that we want?

Last fall my social life was pretty slow. There were a few dinners here and there and an occasional night on the town but in general things were pretty ho hum.  After one particularly boring day, I decided that life was going to be much more fun.  I wanted as full a social calendar as one can get!

Last week my friend Lauren called to see when she could come out for a visit so I pulled out my calendar to check the dates.  As I scanned through the weekends, I noticed that every weekend from now through July was filled with some sort of social event/gathering.  Perplexed as to how this could be I began to look back.  To my surprise, I discovered that I haven’t had a free weekend since the middle of January!  I didn't plan anything, it just happened.  There were always unexpected visits or invitations, and fun events to go to.  Life must have been listening!

After coming to the realization about my social life, I began looking into other areas.  For years and years I was in a bad exercise pattern.  I would be completely gung ho at the gym for about 4 months, I would lose a little weight and then I would promptly quit exercise for the better part of a year.  Lately, however, my attitude toward exercise and my body in general has totally changed.  Last October I made a conscious decision to finally reach my goal weight and have my body look exactly the way I wanted it to.  It was going to look like the picture in my head come hell or high water.  My expectations are realistic, they just take a little time and a lot of sweat.  I never expected to wake up with blond hair, tan skin, washboard abs and giant boobs…life doesn’t work that way (and I wouldn’t want it to!)

It has been about six months and I am still exercising 4-5 days a week.  I hit my goal weight in late January and continue to work on toning.  The exercise and eating right no longer feels like a chore.  It has become a way of life and I intend to keep it that way.  For years I wondered if I could ever/would ever reach my goals.  Now I wonder what took me so long.  But I try not to dwell on shoulda, coulda, woulda.  I’m just happy where I am. 

After thinking about my body I moved to another complicated area, the love life. “Every woman has the exact love life that she wants…” Who in their right mind would take the blame for their own unsatisfactory love life? I decided that this area needed a thorough analysis.   

I began by examining my current state of affairs, which would be non existent.  As I attempted to convince myself that single women or men don't actually create their love life, I remembered a very interesting conversation from the week before.  During this conversation, I explicitly remember telling a coworker, “I have no interest in dating right now.  I am way too busy focusing on myself, my friends and upcoming events to be spending time doing the whole first date, mindless chatter nonsense.  ‘Hi, nice to meet you.  Where did you grow up?  How many siblings do you have? What do you do? What are your goals? Blah blah blah.’  On top of that there is the inevitable “does he like me?”, “do I like him?” conversation and the unpleasant “how do I get rid him?” dilemma…I’ll think about it next month.” After replaying this conversation in my head it hit me; I have created the exact love life that I wanted at this particular moment in my life.

What about you?  Do you have the exact love life that you want?  Did you create it?  Do single people secretly or subconsciously want to stay single?  There are countless passive ways to avoid commitment, even when you are in a relationship. Last summer I read this book called He’s Scared, She’s Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears that Sabotage Your Relationships.  I would highly recommend it to anyone, married or single.   The book talks about the ways in which commitment phobias manifest themselves.

Some people subconsciously choose partners who are wrong for them and then are mystified when it doesn’t work out.  Others pick apart potential partners while convincing themselves that there are greener pastures.  Many people pursue the unavailable/unattainable guy or girl until they become available/attainable, at which point they promptly lose interest.  Most people, married and single, would deny that they have any sort of commitment phobia but in truth a majority of people do.  And who could blame them? Commitment is scary! In relationships, however, it is important to learn how to decipher your fears from your true feelings.  Sometimes fear is what's keeping you from having the life that you want. 

The notion that we consciously or unconsciously create the life we have is incredibly complex and there is no right or wrong opinion or answer.  The key, as always, is to be honest with yourself.

Although I could probably go on for another few thousand, I’ll end here.  I would love to hear your opinions.  I have already created quite the stir around the water cooler.  Leave a comment or email me at ecal53226@gmail.com. 

Happy Easter Monday

~E

Oh the Stress...

Nothing stresses me out more than my car.  Our relationship is strained at best.  I know about as much about cars as the price of beans in China.  ‘Car Speak’ is like trying to decipher an alien language and after about thirty seconds of trying to follow it my brain completely shuts down and we have to start again.  When the car makes a funny noise, I turn up the radio.  When the paint gets scratched, I say the car’s just trying to build character and assert its independence.  When the mechanic says it needs fixing, I say "Whatever, here's my credit card.  You lost me at 'the problem is..."  (Disclaimer: I am aware that this is a horrible way to deal with automobiles.  No need to remind me.)   

Most likely it is a fear of the unknown that causes my automobile anxiety.  Today, amidst the newest car quandary, I decided to research stress relieving solutions.  To find some suggestions, I went where every self-respecting person goes for answers…Google.

Google Search: Stress Relief Solutions:

1.  Cry Yell or Talk your way through stress relief- In my experience yelling obscenities at the car makes me feel much better!

2.  Take a Bath- This is a very good idea and can be very relaxing.  However, it would mean I’d have to go clean the tub which would just negate the whole relaxation part.  (Note to self: invent a self-cleaning Jacuzzi if they don’t already have one)

3.  Journal/write a blog- It helps get all your thoughts onto the paper and out of your head. Journaling has always been very helpful for me.

4.  Read-Find a relaxing quiet place to read your favorite book, magazine, tabloid or blog!  When you’re done reading mine and are in the mood for some humor check out my friend Kennedy’s blog at kennedycullen.blogspot.com!

5.  Eat well-Meaning healthy stuff! Deep fried anything doesn’t count as healthy. 

6.  Get Sleep-Getting 7-9 hours of sleep every night is hard for a lot of people but it is very important. 

7.  Laughter-Just start cracking yourself up.  I do it all the time!  Laugh at your own jokes if nobody else will!

8.  Listen to Music-Grab a hairbrush, crank the stereo and belt out your favorite tune.  “Jessie is a friend; yeah I know he’s been a good friend of mine…”

9.  Get Away- Whether you run away to a tropical island for a few days or play an extra-long game of hide and seek (where you hide really well and your kids seek), getting away can be the best stress solution.

10.  Yoga-This is a wonderful form of relaxation but it takes practice.  You might fall or look ridiculous but once you get the moves down I hear its very relaxing.  I have not gotten the moves down yet so it’s still uncomfortable at best. 

11.  Reduce Caffeine intake- You mean that the shakes aren’t normal?  I’ve only had a few Diet Cokes and one or two cups of coffee!

12.  Don’t Procrastinate- I have no comments for this one.  I’ll think of some later.

13.  Delegate Responsibilities-USE your support systems.  They are there for a reason.  If you don’t have a support system, go find one.  There are plenty of people/resources willing to help. 

14.  Face it and Take care of it- Sometimes it can really be that simple.

So, now that I have procrastinated, written this blog post, listened to music and attempted to perfect downward facing dog, it is time be responsible and figure out how to fix my car.

Stress is all around us and it can be overwhelming.  It can take many forms and can come from many different sources.  Whether it originates from loved ones or loathed ones, from inanimate objects or inconsiderate actions, the stress relief solution is always the same: face the stressor and figure out how to take care of it.  Stress isn't good or healthy. Remember to put yourself first and de-stress. 

~E

Great Expectations

Great Expectations.  Really?  How great are they?  You go into life, relationships, jobs, events etc. with ridiculously high hopes and expectations that simply cannot be lived up to.  In my opinion, all these great expectations are good for is disappointment.  Have you ever noticed that you have the most fun when you expect to be bored out of your mind?  Life becomes a lot more gratifying when you give great expectations the ole heave ho. 

As many friends and I prepare to cross that threshold into our late twenties, we bring with us past expectations, new realities and hopes for the future.  By 25, some friends thought that they’d have children.  By 25, many friends thought they'd be married and living as far away from their parents as humanly possible.  By 25, I thought I’d be wildly successful and swimming in money at my gorgeous house on a lake.  In reality, however, most of us are childless, marriage-less and, for all intents and purposes, penniless. 

I sometimes wonder what would happen if I visited my 15 year old self and showed her the 25 year old reality.  She would have to face a world of ‘car repair bills,’ ‘credit card debt’ and 'Mr. Wrongs.'  I dont think she'd be able to handle it.  In my vision she's flailing herself onto her bed while sobbing uncontrollably into her pillow, utterly destroyed.  (She's very dramatic. I'm sure she grows out of that:)

Theatrics aside, the problem is that we are judging our real life satisfaction on the ideals of some 15 year old, naive little girl or boy.  When these great expectations don’t mesh with current realities, we get upset and frustrated.  For what reason?  Because some 15 year old thought they could plan their life?

Obviously having no expectations for the future is unrealistic.  Having expectations is completely natural.  But the key is to not let your expectations become so great that they overshadow all the wonderful things your life has to offer. 

Every few months I take a stock of everything in my life.  First, I write down what I like and what I dont, what works and what doesnt.  Then, I decide what needs changing, make a plan and change it.  Does my life magically change overnight? No.  Will your life be amazingly fantastic, all you ever dreamed of overnight?  Probably not.  It takes work and dedication but if you let go of all those great expectations, you learn to appreciate what you have.  And trust me, that can drastically change your life!

~E