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Sunday, February 27, 2011

Going Home Again

~Thomas Wolfe once said, “You can’t go home again.”

This was the opening line to one of my favorite childhood movies, Now and Then.  Although I’ve watched this movie about a thousand times over the past two decades, I never gave the opening sequence much thought.  In fact, I’m pretty sure I used to fast forward through it!  However, as I am contemplating whether or not to move home myself, this scene has been much more important. 

The first time I moved away from home it was to attend college in northern Wisconsin.  After college I decided to move east to Virginia.  There was no particular rhyme or reason to the decision, I just wanted a change of scenery.  My original intent, upon my departure from Milwaukee, was to spend three years away, having fun and enjoying the weather.  Then at twenty five I would return home where I would fall in love, get married, and start popping out babies.  That was my master plan anyway! However, as many of you know, what you plan in life rarely happens. 

While conducting a little research on Thomas Wolfe, I discovered that his thoughts about going home went a little farther.  He says, You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood, back home to romantic love, back home to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame...back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time--back home to the escapes of Time and Memory."

In some small part of my brain, I imagined that when I left Wisconsin life stopped, the metaphorical lights turned off.  Then when I visited from time to time, the lights turned on, we had a marvelous time, and when I was ready to leave, once again the lights turned off.  As ridiculous as it sounds, it’s pretty common.  For example, at a wedding last year, my mom reconnected with a friend who was shocked to hear that my sister and I had grown up!  To her, we were still the same as the last time she left us…six and nine!

In reality, the life I left no longer exits.  My family is the same and yet very different.  My little cousins are now in High School and driving (an absolutely terrifying concept!)  Soon enough they will be leaving home, off to begin their own adventures.  My friends who stayed in Wisconsin all have new jobs, new friends and new lives.  Although I am sure they would welcome me back with open arms, everything has changed.

The concept of home changing without me was something that my younger, naive, adventure seeking self never thought about.  Even though there are familiar faces, roads and buildings, moving home means creating another life; mixing the old with the new and trying to figure out where I fit in. 

Another part my younger self failed see, was the fact that I like my life in Virginia.   If I go back, what happens to the life I made here?  I’ve spent three years trying to make this place my home and the idea of leaving it is much more difficult to grasp than I anticipated.  It has taken me this long to finally get street names down, how can I up and leave?  I have made new family, new friends and a new home.  Am I ready to leave a place where I am really happy? 

I could pro/con the decision until I’m blue in the face, but I have always been a believer in going with your gut! So I will just say to be continued...  I have eight months before I need to make my decision so I intend to live it up and not worry too much!

Now I’m going to relax and watch all the pretty people in the pretty dresses walk down a pretty red carpet. 

~E

Ps  There have already been some ‘Jets vs. Sharks’ type battle plans between my Virginia friends and Wisconsin friends.  Let’s keep it clean people…you know I have a horrible guilt complex!




Sunday, February 20, 2011

Belief in...

to Believe (verb): to have confidence in the truth, existence or the reliability of something without absolute proof that one is right in doing so. 

Have you ever thought about what it means to believe?  When you were young, believing was easy.  Anything you are told, you believed.  Santa Claus came down the chimney and the tooth fairy generously compensated you for every lost tooth.  Blind faith is quite an amazing concept, isn’t it?  But as the years progress blind faith fades and adolescence storms in.  Then you believe nothing you are told!  

After examining the notion of belief this week, I have come to this conclusion; your beliefs determine your life.  Think about it, belief can dictate when you are happy and when you are sad; when you are content and when you are restless; when you're a success and when you're a failure.  What you believe affects every aspect of your life. 

There are three common beliefs that I would consider the most the important in peoples lives: Belief in a Higher Being, Belief in Love and Belief in Oneself. 

The majority of the world’s population believes in some sort of higher being.  Most people find a sense of comfort in believing that there is something more powerful than themselves.  People find peace in believing that someone that is watching over them and protecting them.  If you ask people around the world, or even around your neighborhood, they will undoubtedly tell you how Belief in a Higher Being has changed their lives for the better.    

While not everyone believes in a higher being, you would be hard pressed to find a person who does not believe in love.  Love is perhaps the single most powerful force in the universe.  At times, love can be exhilarating and at times it can be mundane.  Love can be scary and illusive, yet most people search their whole lives for it.  There is no guarantee love will be found.  There is no tangible evidence that love exists and there is no mathematical equation that can solve it.  Belief in Love is what keeps love going. 

Although these two beliefs, Belief in Love and Belief in a Higher Being, are important, in my opinion there is no greater belief than the Belief in Oneself.  Believing in oneself is believing that someday you will actually meet Justin Bieber; or believing that you will be successful in school, sports, career etc; or believing that you can do whatever you set your mind to.  No matter how crazy, illogical or unfounded your beliefs may seem to others, they are uniquely yours.  As long as you believe it is, it is. As long as you believe it can happen, it can.

If you have read a newspaper or watched television this week then most likely you have seen how people all over the world are standing up for what they believe in.  From Wisconsin, to Bahrain, to Tahrir Square, people are standing up for what they believe is right.  There are two sides to every story and every conflict.  It is important to remember that the other side believes just as strongly as you do.  In the end, no one has the answers and no one knows what tomorrow will bring.  Gandhi once said, “To believe in something and not to live it, is dishonest.” If you are honest with yourself, and honest about what you believe, then you can never be wrong.  

-E

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Me time...


Halfway through my shower time rendition of “Pretty Girl Rock” by Keri Hilson, this week’s topic hit me...Focus on You!  “I’m fly oh my it’s a little bit scary…” As I kept singing, the ideas kept flowing!  Toward the end of the second verse it occurred to me that maybe I should write down some of these amazing ideas …I didn’t.  The next thing I know the week is over and I can barely remember what I did yesterday let alone my brilliant shower revelations!

Crazy weeks like that don’t come around very often and now I understand why…I’m exhausted!!!  This week I dog sat for a friend, which I absolutely love to do, but that meant I was on doggie timeDoggie time involves such duties as walking, cleaning, scooping, feeding, playing etc., all of which take time and planning.  Yesterday, I babysat for a different friend.  It was tons of fun but I was shifted from doggie time to kid time.  Throw in several dinners out, a bridal shower, about 200 miles of driving and my me time was whittled down to virtually nothing!

Everyday people talk about how they simply run out of time.  They have kids, significant others, jobs, friends, pets, families, obligations; all of which take up their time.  Frankly, with such a busy schedule who has time for me?  Mothers especially have a problem with me time.  There is always so much to do for everyone else; it would be selfish to do something for themselves.  But the problem is that without me time, me disappears. 

While reading The Feminine Mystique, by Betty Freidan, I often wondered what it must have been like for women in the fifties.  One of my Grandmothers cherished her role as a wife and mother, but it wasn’t always easy for her.  My other Grandmother married at the old age of twenty four after having a successful career in fashion and giving it up.  I had a lot of questions.   Were people really as happy as they were portrayed? Or for that matter were people really as unhappy as they were portrayed?  Did women do things for themselves?  When I brought these questions to my own mother she replied, “I don’t know but a lot of women on the block went to the loony bin!”  She gave me what she could, an honest perspective from a child.    

Regardless of who you are or what you do, this fact remains the same, when you spend your all your time thinking and doing for other people then you lose yourself in them.  Your identity, your uniqueness, what makes you special: all of that gets blurry. 

What I offer is, once again, a shift in perspective.  The happier you are with yourself, the better life gets for everyone around you!  Start with just two minutes of me time a day.  Whether you sing an extra verse in the shower or take an extra minute to drink your morning coffee, it doesn’t matter, as long as you have a minute of your own time!

Decide what makes you happy and schedule in some time for you. 

Seriously!  Go write it on the calendar! 

Personally, I’m going to have some me time with a cup of hot cocoa!

~E

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Long Beautiful Hair...

This morning I am literally overflowing with nervous energy.  At approximately 6:30pm EST, the Green Bay Packers are playing for all the marbles (a.k.a the Super Bowl) and my anxiety has been building for weeks!!  It was so bad during the NFC Championship game that my friends threatened to slip a Valium into my beer because they were concerned for my health!

Undoubtedly the week’s biggest Super Bowl headline has been Clay Matthews and his precious, flowing, golden locks.  Personally, I am a big hair supporter!  But I know plenty of people who have been praying for him to get a haircut.  My conservative, proper Wisconsin grandmother simply cannot understand why a young, good looking man with money would maintain this long ‘unkept’ hair!

While listening to both sides of the ‘Great Hair Debate,’ I decided that this week’s focus should be on appearance and perspective.  Some may wonder what appearance has to do with perspective.  My answer would be EVERYTHING.  One of the first things that my life coach and I worked on was Health and Appearance because it is typically a big issue for people.  My problem wasn’t so much that I didn’t think I was pretty, because on some deeper level I knew that I was.  My issue was more with not being pretty ‘enough.’  The ‘enough’ part can be quite difficult.  Not pretty enough, not fit enough, not smart enough, not funny enough…the list can go on and on. 

What is enough?  I am here to tell you that ‘enough’ does not exist.  No matter how hard you work and how many tears may fall; you will never get there…so why keep trying?  What does it do for you?  You are stressed because you feel inadequate based on some illusionary standard of perfection.  Then on top of the stress comes frustration, anger, sadness and resentment…sounds like a real fun time doesn’t it?

Here’s the deal, plain and simple, stop thinking you aren’t good enough and be happy.  Isn’t that what life is all about?  It easy to say that you are happy but it isn’t until you actually believe and feel you are happy that things start to change for the better. 

This is where perspective comes in.  Clay Matthews believes, whole heartedly, that his hair is glossy and beautiful.  If tomorrow he proclaimed his hair a gift from god, I would not be surprised because the man has more love for his hair than anyone I’ve ever met and/or heard of. 

From your perspective, is Clay Matthew’s hair a shiny, beautiful, blonde, naturally highlighted gift from god?  Well, guess what it doesn’t matter what you think because he loves his hair so much that he got someone to insure it for $1 million dollars!!!  Can your hair say that?

The most powerful tool for happiness is right inside your head!  You just have to change perspective!!

If only it were that simple, right? Well guess what…it’s pretty simple!  Some of you are probably thinking, “Who is this girl and why is she irritatingly optimistic?”  To get some credibility I’ll say that up until about nine months ago whenever some ‘sunshine and rainbows’ person was squawking in my ear, my thoughts were anything but positive!

But at some point you realize that its time for a change.  I was tired of only being happy part of the time and I was tired of saying, “If only I do this better, my life would be perfect.”  You set yourself up for failure that way and feeling like you failed yourself all the time isn’t a pleasant existence.   

So I took a small step in the right direction.  The first thing that I did was to write down something that I wanted to believe about myself.

I love and approve of myself right now....and I am getting better every day”

I put that on a note card and taped it to my bathroom mirror.  Every morning and every evening when I brushed my teeth, I repeated that phrase over and over in my head until I started believing it.  

Within a week I could feel my whole outlook started to shift.  Even my friends were noticing a huge difference.  It just took one little change in perspective to get the ball rolling!

So whether your issue is with your looks, your body, your talents, your fitness, your hair, your teeth, your smile, your skin, your height, your weight…whatever it may be, do yourself a favor and become your own best friend.  Shift your perspective and I promise you won’t be sorry!

Until next Sunday…

GO PACK!!