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Sunday, October 21, 2012

Destined for Greatness...


The other day during a phone conversation, my friend boasted, "yup...I'm Destined for Greatness.’  After I recovered from that overwhelming display of modesty, I responded with, “What does that mean?” He didn't know but was sure he'd figure it out someday.
How does one define ‘greatness’ anyway?  The question has been sitting on my mind.  So in order to find the answer, and calm my ever inquisitive nature, I went to the one place that always has the answers to life's little questions, Google. 

After searching for 'define greatness', I clicked on Famous Quotes about Greatness.  Surely the most brilliant thinkers of modern day history provide the insight I was looking for, wouldn't they?
First up, William Shakespeare;
“Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” ~ William Shakespeare

What a beautiful sentiment.  However it is entirely unhelpful.  Although I'm sure Shakespeare is  correct, he has failed to help me answer my question.  Let's try again:
Second batter up, Gandhi;
"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world-that is the myth of the atomic age-as in being able to remake ourselves." ~Mahatma Gandhi
We are heading in a better direction but I think I'll to have to come up with the conclusion all by myself.
In order to achieve greatness, you have to figure out how you will know when you can achieve it.  If not you are just wandering around never never land and searching for something that doesn’t exist (like a band of lost boys or misfit toys).  And while searching for the proverbial holy grail of greatness, you will indoubtedly fail to recognize all the everyday greatness going on around you. 

For a long time I was under this illusion that my life wouldn't be great until I had the exact body I wanted and a fabulous, jet setting carefree lifestyle.  Well reality smacked me around a little in my early twenties and I saw the light.  Greatness is an illusion and is entirely based on how you define it.
For many years I searched for a me that was better than the I that I was.  In my twisted adolescent head I was simply not a good enough version of myself; I was not ‘all that I could be.'  It is a highly stressful and dissatisfying way to live, with disappointment around every corner.  Not recommended for long lengths of time. 
So what do you do about it?  Glad you asked.  Someone told me that all I had to do was start list of what I had that was pretty great and every time someone gave me a compliment I had to write it in a little notebook to remind myself of why I was great to others.   It sounded ridiculous but I did it anyway.  Something worked because today I think I'm pretty freaking awesome and other people think so too!  I know because they tell me and (here's the key) I listen to them!
I also know that greatness in life is all about choices and sacrifice.  For me, career success is important but not what will define my greatness.  For some people maybe it is.  You can define greatness in your life by anything; career, spirituality, wealth, family or friends etc.   
I would love to come to the end of my life and say that I was able to make money off of this whole writing thing (and quit the 9-5 rigmarole).  Would a #1 bestseller add to my sense of greatness? Probably; but, like I said achieving greatness is all about choices.  You have to make conscious decisions in life that are going to affect everything.
For example, Monday night I had a choice of going to the gym or meeting my friends for $2 Burger Night.  I chose the burger.  Correction, I choose my friends.  At the beginning of this year my schedule went from working 35ish hours a week, leaving me plenty of time for my social life, writing and the gym to coincide, to suddenly working 9-12 hour days and sitting on I-95 for at least 1.5 hours a day, if not 3 or 4 (a horrific fate for those of you who haven't experienced it first hand).

So here we are, well into October, and what I've got is 10 extra pounds, absolutely no endurance/muscle tone and a seriously neglected blog.  I have only one thing to say for myself, “Eh…I had fun.”  Some of you may have perceived this fall off the wagon a failure.  But how can you fail when you weren’t even trying and making conscious decisions the whole way to not care and have fun!?! 

When I first moved to Virginia I gained 20 lbs in 6 months because I completely gave up and stopped trying, that was a failure.  This time, I feel like it’s simply time to get back to feeling like me.  I have not one regret about choosing my friends over my workouts this year (which didn’t completely die, averaging about one half-ass gym session/week) but I also know now that life is calmer, it is time to once again focus on me.
So, sayonara 6 pack beers!  I'm going for those 6 pack abs.  Good bye chocolate covered pretzel snacks and mango cheesecake on occasion.  It is time to whip this puppy back into shape because at the end of the day all I want is to feel good about what I’m doing.

My greatness may just be the ability to help other people find theirs.  Although I am slightly on the competitive side, I never had the need to be number 1 all the time.  It just seems lonely at the top.  Someday a bestselling book would be nice.  If I can ever figure out a way to complete a manuscript then I’ll let you know.  But right now, I am much happier to say I got to spend as much time as I could with some pretty awesome people and had as much fun as I possibly could on a budget!

So my recommendation to you is to figure out your own definition of greatness and evaluate what it takes to get there.  Then, figure out how to be happy with what you’ve got.  I’m pretty sure that is a) the only way you will actually achieve greatness or any goal and b) you will be much better off once you actually get there!

Feels good to be back!

Catch you on flip side,

~E 

Shake Shake Shake that Ass Girl...


This is going to be a manifesto for all my ladies out there (and fellas too) who need to shake off some of their assets…and by that I do mean your butt, your gluteus to their maximus or the wagon you're draggin.

I, like many women out there, have been blessed with what is popularly referred to as a Pear shape.  Some people are Apple, Hourglass or Boyish figures but no matter what the term is, it essentially means that your fat likes to settle up top, down low, in the middle or a combination thereof.  Last week I was redoing my measurements, to see where these pounds have settled, and all 10lbs have seemingly gone to by butt!!  What in the hell!?!  It was the only measurement that grew! (Frustration)

Every week, I hear Apple shaped women complain that they have only lost weight in their legs while their Double D’s remained completely intact.  Having what I affectionately refer to as the ‘incredibly shrinking boobs,’ and an ever expanding backside, this sounds like my dream come true! It is often difficult for me to relate to the problem of giant boobs but everyone has a fat problem, and that I can relate to. 

No matter where your fat decides to sit, everyone wants to know how to get rid of it.  The Answer:  Hard Work…bam.  Diet and Exercise.  Those two pesky words have been around since I was a kid!  And they don’t seem to be leaving anytime soon. 

Since this whole weight loss dilemma will be going away anytime soon, I have compiled some information that will hopefully help you stick in the fight and eventually win the battle.

The first thing you need to remember is that every body is different.  It is simple and yet wildly forgotten.  There are skinny bitches out there that have never had to struggle with weight but its ok, don’t hate them.  It will only stress you out.  Just count the ways you are better than her, like any normal person would, and continue on your way. 

Some women can lose weight really fast, others not so much.  Some women build definition and strength really fast, most don’t.  Young beats old every time, accept it.  When you don't use it, you lose it!

Here is another very important thing you need to remember; most men have no idea what they are taking about when it comes to female weight loss.  I repeat: Men and Women DO NOT lose weight the same way.  Men will almost always lose faster than women, and it has nothing to do with how hard you work in the gym or how good you are on your diet, it is just biology and it is better for your psyche to accept that now.    

Let’s break it down because it seems to be a continual issue.  Biologically speaking, men naturally carry more muscle mass than women.  They have more testosterone which makes them stronger and faster with more muscle. A man’s essential fat is around 3-5%.  A woman’s essential fat is around 10-16% cuz we make the babies (we all learned this in middle school). 

Obviously there are genetic factors and lifestyle factors but I am just talking about general biology. We’ll take John and Jane for example.  John and Jane are friends who are the same height, weight, age and general physical condition.  They decide to go on a one mile run to see who burns more calories.  John does.  John naturally has more muscle and the more muscle you have the faster you burn calories.  That’s it; you can go home.  The argument is over! 
That being said, if Jane drastically increases her weight training and metabolic rate (and John sat on the couch being a lazy slob) she may be able to compete with him on calorie burn in a few months.

Here is how you handle yourself when an uninformed male tells you something about female weight loss:

Them-“If you ran the same as me and got in as good of shape as me, you would burn the same calories as me.”

Me-“yeah…no.  That’s just stupid.”

The final and most important thing you need to have to be successful in your weight loss is some good ole fashioned motivation.  Just saying you want to lose weight is not enough motivation.  You are going to need more.  The fact is either you have it or you don’t.  Sometimes when you want it to be there it isn’t, unfortunately.  It took an impending trip to Vegas and the fact that my arm jiggles when I wave to spur me back into action.  Motivation is a fickle creature that comes and goes but sometimes it just takes consistency and some good ole fashioned stubbornness to get it back on the right track.

So, GET UP and shake that ass to the gym, outside or wherever!  Figure out how to make the jiggle, jiggle a little less before the holiday season!

Here is my recipe for success:

1)      Some form of exercise 4 days a week at least

2)      Track everything that goes in my mouth (even if it is really bad) & shoot for 1400-1600 calories/day.  Force myself to eat vegetables for at least one meal a day

3)      Drink water, de-stress, don’t beat myself up and make friends give me inspirational/motivational praise on a consistent basis.

(Example: There is less junk in your trunk! Woot Woot!)

4) Say good-bye to the nightly beer…I will miss you the most!

That’s it, pretty simple.

The End

~E

Sunday, May 6, 2012

You remind me...


“You remind me of a girl that I once knew…” -Usher

One of the things that always amazes me about music, as well as one of the things I love about it, is that it is intrinsically tied to our memories.  If you think about it, large life moments are tied to song in one way or another.  At birthdays we sing the birthday song, when something good happens we burst into, “For he’s a jolly good fellow” (if you were born before the year 1970) and at weddings when they begin the music for the Chicken Dance, you know you are in the presence of true and everlasting love. 

More recently, when the DJ cues up “Single Ladies,” by Beyonc√©, you know it is time for the bouquet toss and therefore time for me to head for the nearest bathroom and wait it out in stealth silence.  There is nothing like an elbow to the cheek bone to ruin a perfectly good open bar and I, for one, refuse to stand for something so heinous!

Musical memories can trigger all sorts of things.  For instance, the amazing time you had at the BSB concert with your High School friends, or belting out any and every Queen song in the mirror, or running down the street, pleasantly surprised to hear “You’ve Got it (The Right Stuff)” by New Kids on the Block blasting from your iPod.  A word of caution; although it is natural to get lost in the beat, do not fail to notice the busted tree root covering the sidewalk.  There is nothing like a little trip and a stubbed toe to enhance your musical journey!

As you get older, you find that embarrassing small children through song is quite an amusing pastime.  When “this is the part of me that you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no,” comes on the radio you can’t help but start a little arm dance action.  Soon, a little voice from behind you goes, “Can you stop? This is embarrassing.”  Naturally, you bask in the joy when you you turn up the volume, add some flair to your dance moves and shame emanates from the back seat.  “Throw your sticks and stones, throw your bombs and blows, but you’re not gonna break my soul!!”  I am going to be such a good mom someday!

Then there are the nostalgic romance songs like that of your first slow dance.  It was so memorable that I’ve racked my brain for the past five minutes trying to recall something about that song and/or event but there is nada.  In the land of make believe, “I Swear” by All 4 One, was a fantastic first dance song. 

Today, I experienced how a new singer (recording artist) can bring back fond memories of times gone by.  Let’s be real for a second shall we?  The new Biebs song, “Boyfriend,” is a rip off of Justin Timberlake and the video is so blatantly Timberlake it borders on plagiarism (that’s not to say I don’t like the Biebs song but he ripped it off, it’s a fact).  It was the whiff of Timberlake, however that brought me back to those good ole college days when my friends and I pondered the age old question, “Did sexy leave?”  Although we never came to a clear conclusion on this incredibly philosophical question, we decided that we'd help Justin bring sexy back anyway! 

Also, I would like to mention, for the record, that the new One Direction “What Makes You Beautiful” video looks eerily like the NKOTB “Summertime” video minus the 40 year old men hitting on 18 year old girls…I’m looking at you Donnie Wahlberg!

Unfortunately, music is also tied to sad occasions.  If music only brought back fond memories then we wouldn’t have country music, soul music or the songs of teenage love gone wrong music brought to you ever so irritatingly and amazingly by Miss Taylor Swift.  Whether you are a fan or not there isn’t one person who heard the verse,

“He’s the reason for the tear drops on my guitar, the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star.  He’s the song in the car I keep singing don’t know why I do,”

who didn’t immediately go swooshing back to their slightly awkward, angst filled, pining/puppy love High School hallways. 

Music is there to remind us that our life is and was worth living, the good times, the bad times and the incredibly awkward or unsettling.  Music is what gets you through, and I for one will celebrate that every chance I get. 

Till next time

~E



“Last Dance.  Last Chance for Love.  Last Chance, for romance… tonight.  I need you by me, beside me, to guide.  To hold me, to scold me and when I’m bad, I’m so, so bad. So let’s dance the last dance, let’s dance the last dance.  Let’s dance the last dance…tonight!!” ~Donna Summer





 


Sunday, March 25, 2012

Comments on Dating: Volume One...

I never thought I would say this but I wish I would have paid more attention in Soc 101: Introduction to Sociology.  Every day it seems I find people and their relationships more and more fascinating.  For example, as I am typing this there is a Dad helplessly trying to get his three year old daughter to stop driving into him with her Barbie Jeep across the street.  I never had a Barbie Jeep but I road in my friend Mary's convertible from time to time because my Dad felt it would be the same...it wasn't.
Anyway, for your amusement, today I want to talk about types.  Yes the who you date, who you like types.  Types are fantastically amusing to me, for whatever reason.  In fantasy land I go for the semi buff, tall, long blond haired dudes that are not gross (hard to find).  Did you know the most long haired blond dudes are either homeless and/or didn’t have time in their busy schedule do some much needed hygienic maintenance for the past 5 years?  Not saying this applies to all, it is just what I have observed.
I have said it before and I will say it again, if Clay Matthews comes a-knocking, I went voluntarily.  This also applies if the guy from Sons of Anarchy shows up (pre-haircut).  But I digress…
Have you ever realized that most people date the same person over and over with just slight variances in personality or name?  No one ever sees it in themselves but everybody does it on some level.  Similar personality, just different hair or face.  
I love when people try to tell you they are eclectic because if you look at their choices, this is very rarely the case.  And eclectic people like to pick other eclectic people thus making them the same.  Patterns make the world go round.
Interestingly enough you usually have a type until you meet the right person.  Through my years working one on one with people, rarely are significant others what you expected.  A person's gorgeous prince charming can often look like the guy from Swamp People.  Even if you haven’t seen the show I am sure that you can imagine!  He may look homeless and completely mismatched but he is a prince charming and this is pretty cool.
Some of my single friends and I were discussing this very topic and determined that aside from looks, emotionally damaged and/or unavailable (emotionally or otherwise) is also a type.  Throw in immature/unsettled and you have quite a party.  Say hi to the lackluster free spirit who doesn't like to be tied down when you leave. 
To bring us off this crazy train for a second... types or not, my personal opinion is that if you are real with yourself and try to make yourself the best person  you can possibly be, there will be someone to match you.  Until that happens, consider dating to be some fascinating anthropological study that you can muse about to all the people who read your blog.  Someone should really get on that!

Till next time… and I promise that will be soon.

~E 

We are Family...

The idea to write a post about sibling relationships hit me a few months ago but the writing never really come together.  I would write a paragraph or two but almost immediately decide they were garbage and completely unworthy of hitting the save button.  Yesterday, however, my roommate handed me this article called, “Sibling Rivalry Grows Up,” by Elizabeth Bernstein and I guess you could say that the creative juices started flowing.
If you think about it, our sibling relationships are the longest relationships we have.  They outlast parents and children, aunts and uncles, boyfriends and girlfriends and even husbands and wives.  That is probably why they are such a royal pain in the ass. 
Growing up, I was a huge ‘Sister, Sister’ fan.  They were best friends, had so much fun, did each others hair and my delusional eight year old self thought that this was what most sister/sibling relationships were like.  The fact that none of my friends had an easy or perfect relationship with their siblings didn’t seem to influence my thought processes because after all, TV is real.  Everybody knows that!
From the womb, I’m guessing, my sister and I were off to a tumultuous start.  I gave her a stuffed Grover as an initial peace offering but I was very unsure about this peculiar interloper.  You see, I was Numero Uno.  As the first grandchild on both sides, for three years I was the Grand Marshall of this parade and master of this circus...literally.  Suddenly there was an adorable new float in town and the parade route changed directions.  The new float was shiny and soft and got more ooohhhs and ahhhhs than I ever remembered getting.  The new kid in town got every one's attention and even got the better tortoise on our family trip to South Dakota.
I had to act fast.  Things were spinning out of control and my world was changing.  When she started to move around I became privy to some very pivotal information that only older siblings know...if I do something, she want to do it too!  Genius!!  I became her leader and she blindly followed me wherever I want to go. 
This arrangement was working perfectly until my parents decided it was time for her to start talking and making her own decisions (parents ruin everything).  Throughout our adolescent years I would say we had our moments.  Sometimes we would laugh until our stomachs hurt so bad that we physically couldn’t laugh anymore and other times there would be hair pulling or shoulder punching or a combination of the two.  The whole “I’m not touching you” finger to the face trick is still one of my least favorites.
People always used to say to me, “Someday you and your sister will be best friends.”  I thought they were full of crap.
Now here is the part in my story where many of you, I’d imagine, are waiting for me to say how harmonious and wonderful our relationship is now that we are older.  Well, reality bites.  I love my sister to death and if anyone tried to hurt her there would be a whole lot of crazy coming their way.  But this whole idea of a perfect sibling relationship is myth, in my opinion. 
In terms of our relationship, I would say that it is a continual work in progress.  It is always a relationship that I want to get better but that takes time.  There are 20+ years of fights, jealousies, grudges and laughs.  People go through therapy after 2 years in a rough relationship, do you honestly think this sibling stuff gets fixed overnight?  Um, no.
It is my experience that sibling conflict arises for the following reasons; either you are too much the same, incredibly different or a fierce combination of the two.  We are a fierce combination of the two.  Here is a typical exchange between my sister and me. 
                                                Her-“Ugh, you are too girly.”
                                                Me- “Sweatpants and athletic sandals, what a new look for you.”
After, we exchange faces at each other and go about our business until we come together to find something to laugh at our parents about because they are the crazy ones after all.  We are both stubborn and want to be right.  We fight the same and have the same thought processes.  Conflict is easy when it is with someone who knows you better than you do…or someone who knows your next move. 
At the end of the day, you keep trying because they are you and you are them.  You have the same DNA; no one else can say that!  Contrary to popular opinion, that means something.  They aren’t friends, they aren’t neighbors, they aren’t partners...they are siblings.  Love them or hate them, you can’t change that…and, if you’re like me, at the end of the day, no matter what the fight or the hurt feelings; you wouldn’t trade them for anything.
xx B
~E

Friday, January 13, 2012

Trapped in the Digital Age...

“Very good work kids, you may now have a text break.” –New Girl on Fox
Yes, my friends.  This is what the world has come to.  What happened to the days of “talk amongst yourselves”?  These days it’s easier to text your best friend sitting one row behind, two seats to the left, than to hold an intellectual, human, non-technological conversation.  We now have entire worlds created in Virtual Reality where the whole purpose is not to talk to other humans. 
I saw an article that said people born before 1990 were going to be the last generation to remember using such things as rotary phones or even phones with a cord, rabbit ear antennae,  cassette tapes, records, dial-up internet, pay phones and the list goes on. 
I hated adjusting those rabbit ear antennae when I was younger.  Cable did not enter our household until I left for college therefore countless hours were spent trying to clear the picture.  And as it went, when you got the screen perfect and walked away, there went the picture!  Very frustrating!
Change like this happens in every generation.  My parent’s Peter Frampton records were replaced by my Ace of Base cassette tapes.  An 8 Track is something I’ve only heard about.  When my grandmother was courting, or stalking, my grandfather she would first have to get word from a friend in town as to his whereabouts.  Then hitch a ride on a wagon in the hopes that he was still around when she got there.  That is dedication my friends and it is apparently effective.  Today, all you have to do is ‘Check In’ and the whole world knows where you are. 
Back in my day, approximately ten years ago, DSL was just beginning and comparatively speaking it moved at a snail’s pace.  I actually remember the day I discovered an amazing new search engine called ‘Google.’  I told everyone I knew that it was far superior to the ones we were using, like AOL or Yahoo.  For those of you readers not around, Google in 2002 was far different from the Google of 2012, practically from the Mesozoic era
As far as cell phones are concerned, you would have considered yourself very lucky to have one if you were in High School.  My parents were definitely not on the ‘teenagers should have cell phones’ bandwagon.  They weren’t on the ‘Car’ wagon either come to think of it.  Oh the agony!  I had to take the bus!
This Christmas, while taking pictures on the iPhones of my High School aged cousins, it occurred to me that maybe these generations are the ones missing out.  Technology makes everything so easy that there is little need to think outside the box.
For example, the art of note passing.  There were many different ways to pass notes but here are my personal favorites.  In 8th grade French class my friend Brittany and I went through practically an entire notebook a week with the teacher only catching us one time.  Even then, because we were good students, she only gave us a dirty look and kept walking.  The key there was good timing and quick hands. 
In High School, I had my note passing ‘Pi√®ce de resistance.’  Every day in third period French II, I would write a note to my friend Bethany and stuff it down a crevice in the desk behind me.  Then in her sixth period French III class, she would write her response and place it back in the crevice for me to pick up the following day.  It was quite the successful fete if I do say so myself.
However, this might explain why I did so poorly grasping the French language.
A few years ago, I recall hearing a story about how Kiera Knightly threw her Blackberry into the ocean while filming Pirates of the Caribbean because she was ‘too available.’  Don’t think I haven’t thought of it myself.  The second I got my first Blackberry, I was hooked.  I got email, calls, text messages and more in one tiny device!  It was almost like the phone was calling my name saying, “Check me, Check me.”  Nine times out of then there was nothing there but then that one time you see that tiny little icon telling you that you have received a message.  Someone wants to talk to YOU!  How amazing!  “You have received 20% off coupon to Express.”  Darn, but maybe I’ll go shopping.
Sometimes, if my phone dies, I pretend I didn’t notice.  Although I am not sure why, it gives me some small sense of satisfaction.  I AM ALL POWERFULL and you will not control me!  Sadly, it lasts only a short while because I realize it is my lifeline to the outside world and so I plug it in the charger. 
Personally, I am a big fan of technology detox from time to time.  In my opinion, it is quite necessary.  Think of all the fun things you could do.  You could learn how to read a map!  You could talk to your family and friends face to face!  You could see sights and sounds that have been untouched my cell phone towers!  Or you could just let your phone die for a while and relax.  The beauty is that when people ask why you didn’t immediately return their call, text or email, you can respond, “Sorry, no signal.”  And that is not a lie!
It’s all time for us all to power down for a little bit and get back to basics.  Add some spontaneity and creativity back into your life.
Until Next Time,
~ E

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Kissing Toads...

Have you ever kissed a toad?  Of course you have!  Everyone kisses toads in their lives. 
Hasn’t your mother ever said to you, “You’ve got to kiss a lot of toads before you get a Prince”?  Whether she used frogs or toads in her analogy is beside the point, both are applicable.  If by some stroke of luck your mother has never had to utter these words, consider yourself the luckiest person in the world.
Due to my recent dating adventures, my mother has once again passed the afore mentioned wisdom on to me.  I have determined the following: I hate when she says that!
Nobody wants to kiss a frog or a toad!  It’s gross.  I blame Disney.
For your amusement, I will now re-enact a toad encounter.
The setting is a nice, semi casual restaurant, complete with dim lighting and a secluded booth.  The choice is perfect for a dinner date because it’s not too fancy, where you are overdressed with a pair of jeans and a nice top, yet a step up from Arby’s you know he's OK.  It’s about thirty minutes into the mindless first date chatter that you realize this date isn’t going anywhere.
Your mind starts to wander a little. “I can’t believe I’m missing Real Housewives for this.  No, that’s bad.  This is good for me. Yes! Positive! Stay Positive!  I did set the DVR, didn’t I? Where is my brain sometimes?? Let’s see.  I curled my hair, then brushed my teeth, then looked at the dirty kitchen, then walked away from the dirty kitchen, then…grabbed the remote and set the DVR.  Awesome it’s done. Phew”
The time goes on and you give it an honest try by throwing some humorous remarks in there and trying to engage in the occasional witty banter.
As you finish the meal and engage in the “I liked the potatoes but the chicken was a little dry” conversation, you realize [CRAP] this date went a lot better for him than it did for me.  This is when you panic and prepare for the slightly awkward, I’ll walk you to your car, should we hold hands through our gloves action because you know the end of the night kiss is coming. 
Lips collide.  Maybe there were sparks, most likely there were not.  One or both of you lie, saying how great a time you had, you go back to your car and the date is over.  In the end it was all relatively painless but you find yourself in desperate need of some comfort.  This is when go home, grab some wine and see what excitement the DVR has in store. 
Maybe later you will call your mom, ramble on about how you are going to end up an old spinster who talks to her cats while knitting them scarves in her rocking chair and crying because she doesn't even like cats to begin with.  Her response to this highly theatrical musing will be, “Everything is OK.  You have to kiss a lot of frogs (toads) before you meet your Prince.”
And if your Mom is anything like my Mom, she will further comfort you by repeating this very familiar saying , “Juilliard called.  They are still holding a spot for you.”  From the other end of the phone, hysterical laughter commences.
End Scene.
For the record, I would like to say something on behalf of the toads.  In this circus act we call dating, women meet every kind of toad.  Toads come in all shapes and sizes.  There are pretty toads, average toads, big toads, small toads, loud toads, quiet toads and more.  There are also bat sh** crazy toads that are drawn to you for some reason or another and are in serious need of attention from mental health professionals.  I digress.
There is nothing wrong with these toads; they just aren’t the right toads for you.  Although I have never been a man, or ever claimed to know what they’re thinking, on some level the same must also be true.  Not every girl is a beautiful Princess.  Sometimes they go out with ugly/evil stepsisters and I am sure it is very frustrating as well. 
Frustrations when dealing with toads are inevitable.  That is what your mother, or friends are there for.  To tell you that someday one of those toads will turn into a Prince.  Until then, think of toad encounters as humorous collections of stories you can share for years to come.
Or perhaps until they get written into a book…things to think about.
Until next time,
~E