Shake Shake Shake that Ass Girl...

This is going to be a manifesto for all my ladies out there (and fellas too) who need to shake off some of their assets…and by that I do mean your butt, your gluteus to their maximus or the wagon you're draggin.

I, like many women out there, have been blessed with what is popularly referred to as a Pear shape.  Some people are Apple, Hourglass or Boyish figures but no matter what the term is, it essentially means that your fat likes to settle up top, down low, in the middle or a combination thereof.  Last week I was redoing my measurements, to see where these pounds have settled, and all 10lbs have seemingly gone to by butt!!  What in the hell!?!  It was the only measurement that grew! (Frustration)

Every week, I hear Apple shaped women complain that they have only lost weight in their legs while their Double D’s remained completely intact.  Having what I affectionately refer to as the ‘incredibly shrinking boobs,’ and an ever expanding backside, this sounds like my dream come true! It is often difficult for me to relate to the problem of giant boobs but everyone has a fat problem, and that I can relate to. 

No matter where your fat decides to sit, everyone wants to know how to get rid of it.  The Answer:  Hard Work…bam.  Diet and Exercise.  Those two pesky words have been around since I was a kid!  And they don’t seem to be leaving anytime soon. 

Since this whole weight loss dilemma will be going away anytime soon, I have compiled some information that will hopefully help you stick in the fight and eventually win the battle.

The first thing you need to remember is that every body is different.  It is simple and yet wildly forgotten.  There are skinny bitches out there that have never had to struggle with weight but its ok, don’t hate them.  It will only stress you out.  Just count the ways you are better than her, like any normal person would, and continue on your way. 

Some women can lose weight really fast, others not so much.  Some women build definition and strength really fast, most don’t.  Young beats old every time, accept it.  When you don't use it, you lose it!

Here is another very important thing you need to remember; most men have no idea what they are taking about when it comes to female weight loss.  I repeat: Men and Women DO NOT lose weight the same way.  Men will almost always lose faster than women, and it has nothing to do with how hard you work in the gym or how good you are on your diet, it is just biology and it is better for your psyche to accept that now.    

Let’s break it down because it seems to be a continual issue.  Biologically speaking, men naturally carry more muscle mass than women.  They have more testosterone which makes them stronger and faster with more muscle. A man’s essential fat is around 3-5%.  A woman’s essential fat is around 10-16% cuz we make the babies (we all learned this in middle school). 

Obviously there are genetic factors and lifestyle factors but I am just talking about general biology. We’ll take John and Jane for example.  John and Jane are friends who are the same height, weight, age and general physical condition.  They decide to go on a one mile run to see who burns more calories.  John does.  John naturally has more muscle and the more muscle you have the faster you burn calories.  That’s it; you can go home.  The argument is over! 

That being said, if Jane drastically increases her weight training and metabolic rate (and John sat on the couch being a lazy slob) she may be able to compete with him on calorie burn in a few months.

Here is how you handle yourself when an uninformed male tells you something about female weight loss:

Them-“If you ran the same as me and got in as good of shape as me, you would burn the same calories as me.”

Me-“yeah…no.  That’s just stupid.”

The final and most important thing you need to have to be successful in your weight loss is some good ole fashioned motivation.  Just saying you want to lose weight is not enough motivation.  You are going to need more.  The fact is either you have it or you don’t.  Sometimes when you want it to be there it isn’t, unfortunately.  It took an impending trip to Vegas and the fact that my arm jiggles when I wave to spur me back into action.  Motivation is a fickle creature that comes and goes but sometimes it just takes consistency and some good ole fashioned stubbornness to get it back on the right track.

So, GET UP and shake that ass to the gym, outside or wherever!  Figure out how to make the jiggle, jiggle a little less before the holiday season!

Here is my recipe for success:

1)      Some form of exercise 4 days a week at least

2)      Track everything that goes in my mouth (even if it is really bad) & shoot for 1400-1600 calories/day.  Force myself to eat vegetables for at least one meal a day

3)      Drink water, de-stress, don’t beat myself up and make friends give me inspirational/motivational praise on a consistent basis.

(Example: There is less junk in your trunk! Woot Woot!)

4) Say good-bye to the nightly beer…I will miss you the most!

That’s it, pretty simple.

The End

~E