This week I want to further explore an idea that was brought up in last week's blog. That is the the role that fear plays in our lives. Fear is a very strong and powerful entity. It is one that, if you let it, can control your life. I remember watching an old episode of Oprah where this woman refused to go out of the house because she was afraid of frogs. On one hand I found this woman completely crazy and in need of serious mental help. On the other, I understood her fear because I too have an unnatural fear of both Raccoons and Ostriches. The main difference between this woman and myself, however, is that she has let this fear of frogs run her life. Her fear has prevented her from living a full and happy life outside her home.
Take a second to think about all the things you are afraid of. Some common fears most of us have are heights, spiders, snakes, and confined spaces. Personally I have a fear of heights. Being the somewhat clumsy person that I am, I don’t do well with heights and the possibility of impending doom. On such things as ladders, roofs, castles or the Empire State Building, one little trip or loss of balance could send me plummeting to my sidewalk death. Falling on my face is something I struggle with at sea level, why on earth would I enjoy tempting fate 400 feet in the air. Although I participate in most historical or sightseeing adventures, I spend the entire time wishing I were on the ground.
Interestingly enough, when I’m strapped in, like on an amusement park ride or while rock climbing, my fear of heights isn’t an issue. Knowing that there is someone or something always there to catch me makes the experience much more enjoyable.
But fears, as we know, go much deeper than ladders or frogs. Fear of Success; Fear of Failure; Fear of Marriage; Fear of Divorce; Fear of being hurt; Fear of being happy; Fear of disapproval; Fear of having everything you’ve ever wanted. There are so many things that people fear, both consciously and unconsciously, that there is no possible way I could list them all.
It’s a pretty backwards notion to be afraid to be happy but it is a common problem. Sometimes in order to be truly happy you have to put yourself out there. People spend their lives building thick concrete walls around themselves that help protect them from pain, hurt, sadness, judgment and even love.
Being a rather sensitive child and young adult, I started building my walls at a young age. Every time I got hurt or scared, I would reinforce those walls until I was sure that they would hold. I always had a strong fear of being a seen as a failure in school, in sports, in relationships and disappointing those I cared about. As most people do, I also had a fear of being hurt or vulnerable and to some degree a fear of having it all and being happy. What if you have it all and it all gets taken away?
Last summer I decided that I was done with fear. My life coach and I had been working together for a few months at that point and when I went home I decided that I was going to do some of the things that I never thought I could do or things that I was afraid to do. With my friend Michelle cheering me on, I strapped myself to a bungee seat at the Wisconsin State Fair and screamed my little head off as they shot me in the air and flung be around a bit. At one point I could see all the way to Illinois!
Tackling the one ride that I was too scared to try gave me the confidence to start face my fears. Over the past few months I have slowly been chipping away at that wall and it feels pretty amazing. My wall is by no means gone, and sometimes I have to stop myself from trying to rebuild it. But it’s about progress and moving forward.
I have risen to many challenges within myself this year and I have faced many fears. Not all of them were easy and I didn’t always love the outcome but at the end of the day I know that I can live my life without ever saying ‘What If?” When you get to be 80 years old, do you really want to say to yourself, “What would my life have been like if I had had the courage to (Blank) ?”
On my list of challenges left to face are; sky diving, singing in front of people (going to need some singing lessons before that one), ride a motorcycle without having a panic attack, go to a firing range and completing my first 10k and Triathlon.
Whether you’re scared of something tangible, like snakes or raccoons, or you’re afraid to tell someone how you feel, afraid to speak up, afraid to be who you are, afraid to take a leap of faith, afraid no one will like what you write, just remember that everyone is afraid of something. And never let fear hold you back from happiness.
~E
PS I want to hear all about your FearFacing experiences
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